A Touch of the Mondays

I'm sure you've all read in the papers about the Auton government's cuts to just about everything. Our plastic leaders have decided in their esteemed wisdom to cut spending on services, benefits, oxygen production, etc to help the country lurch back into prosperity. I understand part of their plan is to take a portion of the newly unemployed electorate (preferably Labour voters) and sell their organs around the world. They've already decided to turn part of the Olympics into a body parts expo for Mad Scientists from around the globe. While enjoying some light entertainment in the form of sport, you too can choose from a variety of the disenfranchised to transform into monstrous undead armies.

Because I work with the homeless our contracts are tied to councils, so we always expected to be hit by the cuts. I especially knew that I would, as I'm employed through an agency so changing me around was alot easier than a full time staff member. Just before I go on I'd like the record to show I'm not in the slightest bit bitter at the company I work for. I was originally only going to be employed for four months and over a year later I'm still there. They've also kept me abreast of everything and been really really good to me. ANYWAY recently it was agreed by the council I work for that I should go down to four days a week.

Now initially my thoughts went to money. But the difference in pay wasn't too grand, and I could still afford the same amount of UHU and donkey porn I had become accustomed to. So my next thought was that this actually was a blessing. I had been gifted an eternal three day weekend. I could devote a day a week to doing the stuff I never had time to do during the week, like for example writing. Unfortunately for writing there's something else going on in my life currently.

On February fifth I'm due to become a father for the first time. Now this isn't me moaning about having no time. That would be a massive dick move. It is an absolute blessing (every time I type that I want to type BLESSED) and we very much made the choice to have a baby. Apart from anything else I'm so fucking happy and excited about it coming I could never resent the little beggar. But I digress, my Mondays "off" have become an insane cacophony odd jobs, appointments and site visits.

That's right, site visits. On top of us about to have a kid, a full time job, and trying to finish this comic pitch; we've moved out of our house as it's completely remodelled. Complete re-wire, new bathroom, new kitchen, adding a new utility room, and loft conversion. Suffice it to say, just a bit going on. God love our builders, they are bloody quick and we're in week four and re-wire is almost done.

Today is a good example of how my Mondays look. Had to be up early as a very kind friend has given us a nursing chair for free, so no sleep in. My wife has her 38 week check-up (she's actually 39 weeks and 2 days for those counting) at 11am. After that it's straight to the building site so I can start sorting stuff in my loft as tomorrow I have to clear it with my (long suffering) father, so work can begin up there. At 1.30 we have a kitchen designer coming in, and after he's gone I have to finish in the loft before it gets dark as there's no lights in there.

I'd be lying if I said that today was not a typical "free Monday". I know with the baby it will definitely only get worse. But this isn't me complaining. It's more me charting my life and offering up a little window into why I'm constantly putting off "proper" writing.

So if there's a point to all this (which there probably isn't) I would like to offer some advice to prospective parents. In the closing months of 2010, while knowing full well we were expecting I: moved house, learnt to drive, started major dental work to make my smile not like a Universal Monster's, and completed my grade six musical theatre exam. This on top of a full time job and a very pregnant wife who can't do much (she's amazing and I'm happy to work twice as hard for her.) My advice is this. Don't make the same "mistakes" we did. If you're thinking of trying for a child, get certain things locked down first. Need to learn to drive? Do it first. Want to move or have work done on your place? Get it sorted first. The pressure you feel at this little person coming into the world is indescribable (but I'm gonna give it a go.) You will go through every range of emotion possible. Your wife/partner will need so much help it's unreal. And all that stuff about not being able to sleep when the baby comes, while true, is also an understatement. I'm sure little Baby Zee will keep us up, but also be prepared not to sleep for the last couple of months of the pregnancy. She will be so uncomfortable that she will toss and turn all night, as well as visiting the loo every ten minutes. If you're a light sleeper like me, resign yourself to getting 3-4 hours a night max.

So in summation. I've got lots on, if you've got the choice don't do everything at the same time. Though I'm happy as Larry, I'd kill for some rest.

Laters
Matt

*All photos loving pinched from Google. Thanks to all actual owners. Obviously that is my real 20 week baby scan.

Tangled

Today I had planned to finally go and see the Social Network. Unfortunately stupid Vue Westfield had listed it on the website as on this afternoon, despite it not being on. Well you all know the Zitron motto about making Lemonade (actually the Zitron Motto is "If in Doubt, Drink"); so we (Wife, Mother, Father and I) decided to go to see Tangled.

For those of you who don't know, Tangled is the latest in a long line of Disney Princess capers. Unless I'm mistaken (which is a likely possibility) I think it's also the first in not only 3D, but CGI. Tangled is the Rapunzel story, I hate to say updated (which to me conjures up the idea of a young girl dangling her locks from the fortieth floor of a tower block), so lets go with re-imagined. I hate spoilers so I'll try and be vague with the plot. Suffice to say you have a pretty young girl who's locked in a tower, who has long hair. She meets a dashing young thief and they go on an adventure. See vague.

I've been deliberately/annoyingly light on plot, because the story nuances are what make Tangled fantastic. The writer (Dan Fogelman, based on the Brothers Grimm tale) has adapted the Rapunzel story changing it around to add both adventure and pathos. Within the first ten minutes, it's not only explained why the eponymous heroine has her monstrous barnet, but why and how she's put and kept in her tower. In fact there's absolutely no fat on the back-story, so straight away you're hooked on the tale. At just over 2 hours, it's fairly long for a family animated feature, but it belts along at a fair old pace and doesn't leave you bored.

Now I'm not one of these people who likes to moan about how Disney have lost their prowess at MUSICAL animated features since the early 90s. I really enjoyed Hercules, Tarzan and I loved the last Princess feature The Princess and the Frog (in fact I'll say it was very good and worth a look.) What I will say is since the Lion King in 1994, I haven't seen a Disney musical feature that's managed to give me that special feeling that only a Disney Musical feature can. Where the songs, plot and characters touch you deeply and by the end of the movie you feel like you've had a soul douche. I have to admit a couple of times a wee tear did come to my eye, with my mother and wife sobbing. I hope it's the film and not the two of them realising what they created/have married.

With original music by supremeo Alan Menken with lyrics written by Glenn Slater, you're treated to songs that almost touch on past Disney greatness. I'm maybe being a bit harsh, but with such amazing tunes to his name, I'd be surprised if Menken manages to better songs like the above. Anyway, the music is brilliant with Mandy Moore (Rapunzel) and Donna Murphy (Mother Gothel) being particularly good.

Since I was a wee'un I've always been attracted more to the side players than the leads of Disney films (Stitch probably being the main exception, but let's face it he'd be the comic side character in any other film.) Not long into Tangled you meet Pascal, our heroine's trusty Chamelon sidekick. I am a true sucker for this kind of character, and he manages to steal the show in pretty much every scene he's in. What's great about Tangled is you get another brilliant mute animal side player in commando dog horse, Maximus.

I don't want to give anything away but Maximus partakes in one of the most memorable battle scenes of recent years. Suffice to say all the big laughs come from these two four legged sidekicks, and I guarantee you'll love them both.

Before I sign off I'd just also like to say that I think this (finally) is a case of 3D down well. It's organically used throughout, and helps to bring you further into the world. While I've never had much trouble immersing myself into a film, experiencing the depth of field (especially in some of the musical numbers) really adds to the feature. And I usually really hate the 3D gimmick.

I apologise for the "fluffy" review, but I genuinely enjoyed every minute of this film. It flows beautifully and every piece of the story fits together in a cacophony of excitement, fun and adventure. All four of us were bowled over, and we agreed our change of plans worked out for the best. I've been vague because I truly think you should view this film without knowing more than "it's the Rapunzel story". So if you long for a return to classic Disney stylings, then go see Tangled as soon as you can.

Once Upon a Time There Was a Man Named Matt

So here we are. My Blog.

I bet you're reading this (Mum) and wondering "why has it taken someone who wants to be a writer so long to do a blog?" My reply will at first be the old, I've been really busy with X, Y, and Z, but in reality I'm just a lazy sod.

Most people who "write" will tell you the same story. They have ideas, they have stories to tell, but sitting down to write them is much like going to see the dentist: you should do it, but you never seem to actually get round to it.

I could say "well I'm dyslexic and it's tiring to sit and type away" but again that's mainly a crock of shit. Yes, it is tiring, but if I was to condense down all the rubbish I post on Twitter, Facebook, etc I bet it'd far more than a decent sized blog.

So I've decided to be strict with myself. I'm composing this intro so that there's something here. And I intend to every so often post my ramblings, and some reviews of things I've read/watched/played/eaten. I'll attempt to post at least once a week.

Though saying that, my first child is due next week, so I probably could have chosen a better time to do this.

What I'll say now for posterity, is that I'll always try to be fair with my reviews. I'm at a point now where being horrible doesn't have the same sheen it used to. So even if I don't like something I'll try and be reasonable about it, and explain why. I will say now though, best intentions of mice and men. I'm sure all it'll take is me being offended, and I'll write a maniacal rant at someone's expense.

I used to be someone who liked horrible things, who said and did stuff to shock for a laugh. It's often known as being a complete arsehole. While I'm still naughty and say rude things, I like to think I'm somewhat more measured now. I say somewhat, I do still love making people laugh, so I will act the prat if it gets a giggle.

My "newer" temperament could be down to meeting the right woman, which I do attribute most of my improvements to. I actually think it's that coupled with getting older. When you've upset enough people by being a cock you realise it might be time to change your tune.

So here I am, at the beginning of my blogdom. As I begin I'm a no-one. Not published, working towards it currently. What'll be great is charting my journey to success or failure on here. Hopefully I'll say stuff people will like, if not it's your own fault for reading me.

Love & Kisses, Matt